Yesterday felt shot out of a cannon, so to speak, and by the end of the day, watching the end of Pirates 3 with a friend, was literally shot out of a cannon. So what happened?
Well, went to bed late. Follow that up by waking up ten-fifteen minutes before my first meeting, and I was just grateful that my clothes were ready and I'd taken a shower right before my temple shift. I did make the meeting, however. That may have been where things went wrong or crazy. Maybe not, though. At the meeting, I was trying to simply let people know about the impending yard sale at the end of the week. It was planned for a certain location and time, and the next thing you know, it's as if everyone else is getting into it and re-planning the thing. I was highly concerned, especially since they acted like there had been no planning done. This wasn't really a ward council matter other than for calendaring. It wasn't meant to be a ward thing, and the more it was talked about the more concerned that I became and I kept asking if the people had talked about it to my yard sale partner and I could feel it becoming an escalated event instead of just a simple yard sale.
Ended up making an announcement where I didn't have a chance to talk to the other person in question in charge of the yard sale, and have been feeling dumb about it ever since. The guy whose house it will be at is one of the smartest, most competent people that I've ever met. He's a self-made guy and so intelligent it's intimidating yet exhilarating at the same time. A little competitive, you have to have your stuff together or else ... he seems a little hard to please, but maybe that's just me. I always feel like he's looking for a way to catch me up on something, but not for bad reasons, per se. He's got just his stuff together, and doing something like that without asking him, and without coordinating was bad. It's been a rule in my family to always consult the other people in question before planning something or committing to anything, so ...this wasn't just "me"-bad. This felt like something out of China where I was dishonoring my heritage in addition to just dishonoring myself. erg. Very bad juju!
So, mess occurred and I have tried to apologize and currently feel utterly dumb. It won't be the first time or last time for feeling dumb, but it is what it is and I can do very little about it further other than trying to get things back to how they were before the minor fiasco.
Otherwise, there was a BBQ at this guy's house, too, and the set up was a bit strange, but in the end it worked out. Later that night was a games night, and after one rather horrible move I ended up winning a game, but I left feeling a little bit unsatisfied and wondered why I had stayed there for three hours. Didn't make any sense compared to the investment of going somewhere other than my house. However, during "down" time, I got more than an inch done on the fingerless gloves. Yeah, I had a feeling to bring my knitting, even. That doesn't happen often anymore. Not dogging on the idea and on the effort at all. Just... I kept thinking that had we started off Games Night with a prayer, it would have felt much more satisfactory. As it was, it felt hollow.
But, came home and my newly moved in across the street neighbor who's a friend of mine (NK) was just coming home as well and she came over to see the end of Pirates. I'm going to miss her. She's known me through both of my off-campus post-mission wards, and she's just a good person overall. She DOESN'T JUDGE! That is so important for me right now. I'm kind of fantastic at judging myself harshly, and she just accepts me as I am with gentle leading in positive directions instead of blunt force trauma to my psyche. She will be helping to pack and sort me out along with some others on Tuesday.
I consider her "crew." Crew are people who accept you as you are, and want the best for you, but let you have your agency no matter how silly or dumb you get. They also are available to help with projects and events, such as moving, and are there for you when the chips go down, so to speak. Crew are your best friends, the people who aren't your friends when it's simply convenient for them but when you need it. The term comes from a cross between baby-gangs in L.A. and rowing crews where you have to stroke together or you go no where. So yeah, she's crew, and I'm grateful that she's around. I was honestly praying for someone like her to help me move since she originally helped me move into this place a little more than three years ago. And now, with 9 days left, and severe crunch mode where I'm worrying some friends over how stressed I've been, she is truly a help versus a hindrance to the efforts.
The reason for the title of this blog is that I'm stressed out as if I was learning a new language. Same fear, same "I have no idea what I'm doing" and as has been my current experience with learning German, no teacher, all me. So yeah, I'm trying to calm down but we shall see how it goes. Off to scanning.
If anyone is worried, I am okay. God, through an old friend told me to "quit stressing; things will work out as they need to; you're going where you're supposed to." I should be good at faith, and sometimes better than others, but my last time moving was when I cleaned out the house to get back to BYU, and then after that to leave a ward where I had over-stayed my welcome. All of my memories of moving tend to be very sad at the outset, and then they get better once I enter the new scene. It's like death. You leave one state, and then enter a different one where hopefully the circumstances are a little better.
Also have to somehow finish and get copied the ward newsletter. Heaven help me, please? To that the quote from 1776, Benjamin Franklin, "He will, John. He will." I am so John Adams mixed with Merrweather (from Sleeping Beauty) meets Glimmer from Shee-Ra. Yeah, I'm strange. I'm over it. :)
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