I thought that today would be strange. I was right. Thought that various things would happen in a different time order than they ended up happening. Maybe that's normal for most people, but not as likely for me. Thought that I was going to watch Pirates 2 and 3 with a friend that hasn't yet seen them. Well, most of Pirates 2 last night...I feel asleep, but I've seen them at least six times, so I didn't miss anything. The fingerless gloves are getting a good working-on lately, and then ... well, saw part of Pirates 3 when said friend was available, and got ready for the temple. It was so weird with it being my last shift ever at Provo. Maybe ever. I don't know. But I did my normal schedule, and just... it felt like a normal night and such, but I personally felt like my world was changing dramatically. My shift has people on it that have been the closest that I've had to family for the past 3 2/3 years. Leaving them behind is harder than leaving in general. Sure, I've had times when I didn't want to spend Saturday night doing a particular thing, but things have always worked out and it's been good. I have the email addresses for these ladies and I am going to miss them so much. But it is time for me to move on. One of my temple shift friends, who's become like an adopted Mom has consented to help drive out with me.
I'm nervous about costs, but something has to work out. Still not really sure. I wanted to use this year to save for the move, and that simply did not happen despite best efforts. Erg. We'll see how I can afford any of this. But, yeah- at one point during the night I could see myself really being IN Chicago, and there was this lustrous light that I felt and this tremendous joy and - there's nothing BAD about the move outside of personal penury and not knowing enough. I have no idea how, per se, but it has to work out. Every time I turn around and focus attention on it, I feel as if there is a beacon there for me. No idea what or whom or how or anything, but every time, it's as if there is some bright, sparkling thing and I have to go there. I'm not exactly "pulled" there, but I want to go where I feel the bright light and happiness. I mean, who wouldn't? I have had more confirmations of Chicago than I can count, and I'm just nervous in getting there and having no idea what I'm doing once I'm out there. Normally I have a job or something set up. I technically have my business, even though it's shaky at best. But still, my security is in the Rock of the gospel. That is what matters.
I'm nervous about costs, but something has to work out. Still not really sure. I wanted to use this year to save for the move, and that simply did not happen despite best efforts. Erg. We'll see how I can afford any of this. But, yeah- at one point during the night I could see myself really being IN Chicago, and there was this lustrous light that I felt and this tremendous joy and - there's nothing BAD about the move outside of personal penury and not knowing enough. I have no idea how, per se, but it has to work out. Every time I turn around and focus attention on it, I feel as if there is a beacon there for me. No idea what or whom or how or anything, but every time, it's as if there is some bright, sparkling thing and I have to go there. I'm not exactly "pulled" there, but I want to go where I feel the bright light and happiness. I mean, who wouldn't? I have had more confirmations of Chicago than I can count, and I'm just nervous in getting there and having no idea what I'm doing once I'm out there. Normally I have a job or something set up. I technically have my business, even though it's shaky at best. But still, my security is in the Rock of the gospel. That is what matters.
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