Got up, scrips and Preach My Gospel read, and then trying to figure out what to do with the day since I'd slept in. My room really needs to be organized better and I need to start getting things where they need to go. Also MUST get all of these boxes out of the front room before Tuesday's card games night. Not sure whether people will show or not, but worst case scenario, I have cookies, hummus and chips, and my own mocktails and play cards with my roommate or watch a movie. I can't go wrong with this. Maybe can be lonely, but can't go wrong. If no one shows, then *shrugs* that's life I guess.
So I was trying to figure everything out, texted SD since she mentioned that she wanted some family history help today, and we re-arranged to do that next week. Went shopping today and I actually ended up getting groceries. Since even though I don't work all the time, I haven't been thinking about grocery shopping for a while, it was probably a good idea to go and do. Ended up going to Winco, getting salad-style stuff (part-time vegetarian at the moment) and the Creamery for milk. I will admit, it was good to actually buy real groceries again, and I can make some potato salad for tomorrow in addition to regular green salad. :)
Came home, got ready for temple shift and kind of had a marvelous time tonight. It was pretty normal, but the fact that next week is my last time on the shift after 3.5 years, and I've made so many fantastic friends there, well, things were hitting me kind of hard. Started hitting me at Winco when I was out with SD, and then just kept getting worse. So much has happened since I started that shift. I changed wards, Bishoprics, boyfriends, hair colors, apartments, oodles of roommates, and there have been so many people that have changed on the shift. There are maybe only a couple that are still there that have been there ever since I started, and it's just...well, they're family.
The whole move itself feels like I'm going off to college for the first time all over again. It's similar. Driving across country with someone who may as well be related as an adopted Mom, JR, missing my old friends that I got attached to before leaving, and trying to pack all my stuff. Granted, this is way bigger with it being a Masters degree, and my stuff needing an honest-to-goodness truck hauling it and my CAR! this time, but... to quote Mushu, "My lil baby's all grown up... and, saving China!" *sticking tongue out* Yeah, not quite.
What I wrote in my essay to get into these schools in the first place was about writing grants to get money to renovate commercial downtown spaces. I honestly am not sure how to do that, but the grant writing is something that interests and intrigues me. I've felt for a while that whatever job that I would get for the education wouldn't even exist until I was done with the Masters, or just that it wasn't around in 2006 when I first felt that this was the right idea. What a LONG road to getting here! Holy mackerel.
Since 2006, the remaining three grandparents died, I've been given up on by people who were the equivalent of best friends, have loved and lost, and I've dealt with unemployment too much. I did, however, get into two Master programs and will consequentially need to re-apply to the one, I started my own business before turning 30, I worked on the federal census, read the whole King James Bible and now have been through the whole standard works once at least (yeah, not much, but some books more so than others), I wrote a book that got published (e-book, but still a book), graduated from the Bachelors, written 136 articles that were published whether or not they were short and highly subject-specific, have made friends and influenced people, and helped friends to get to where they wanted to needed to be.
I've sometimes sacrificed my pride to jump-start other people, and now I get a chance to really do what needs to be done. I'm in-process of writing my second book, making a peace offering quilt for my Dad and step-Mom, am trying hard to keep up with exercising, and am trying to get into learning German. Oh yeah, and I learned how to knit, how to tat (lace form, not tattooing), started my own knitting group, and the group held an exhibit, was in the local paper, and now we even have a regular guy who comes in addition to 40 people on the email list. And they are going to keep it going once I leave! They make me very happy. The group has been going strong for two years at the end of August, and they are indeed the Fabulous Fibers!
Yes, there have been tons of setbacks, most of which I didn't write above, but in the end, things are coming together and I am happier than I've ever been. People talk about how you're the happiest in your life while on the mission. Honestly, for me the mission was extremely stressful and freaking hard. Yes, I LOVED the people, but I'm not going to give some Blythe reaction to "How was your mission?" So often people come back with response of "So good," and sound plastic. Do you think that that actually conveys what happens on a mission, how much you change, how your whole life becomes something where when you get back, you feel like you almost don't know which end is up because the structure is gone... I mean, it puts you through a meat grinder, strainer, and flavor-enhancer, so by the time you're done, you may as well be the juiciest Kobe beef burger in the world whereas before you were simply boxed frozen fast food. A mission brings out who you really are, and it uses your strengths, grills you over a pit, and you're served. So, although it was a good experience, I shun from the non-accurate commentary. But you know what?
This move feels like winning a lottery mixed with digging and finding oyster-pearls combined with panning out gold. It's as if there is something rare, precious, and infinitely worth while in going there. Why else would I feel so deliriously happy when I think about simply the street layout? God gave me a choice last summer about whether or not to move then, and the right thing was to stay in Provo and be a candle or a rock. Not sure what that meant, but I have gone to Church when there wasn't social support for going, have felt like I failed in a calling and still went through with it, and did what I could. It wasn't the absolute best, I'll admit it, but it was my best. I hope that that means something.
My testimony has been wrung over a few times, and God has allowed me tremendous growth through it all. It's been one heck of a ride, and I don't recommend it, honestly. Were Disney to build it, it would be a scary and non-fun Haunted Mansion, but in the end, my word, Do I really get a happy ending? I'm not used to being so happy that I can call it up at a moment's notice and be kind of giddy out of nowhere. None of it is fake. It's so real that it makes me incredibly grateful. Just... I never expected to be more than droning on in life, trying to make it and never really getting anywhere. I never knew that I could make one decision that would catapult me in a direction where I literally feel as if I'm in constant sunshine. It's like the sun never sets on my heart except when I let it.
I feel as if this is the part where at the beginning of the Princess Diaries 2, Anne Hathaway is reading/"writing in her diary" about how she's never been in love, and how that's the next step. I will admit to having been in love before. Have never been married, never engaged, although pretty close enough times, and, well, that part of my life has not made itself manifest at the present time. Seems like the perfect ending to this. But I've been thinking, especially when it comes to this book (the Memoir that I'm in-process of writing), maybe this exact moment isn't about finding Prince Charming. The Lord has His time table, and so long as I do my best to be obedient, He figures things out. It's not about the end result, President Todd (my stake president) says. He said a few times that "you're obedient, and whether or not the blessings come in this life isn't the point...Not to rest your faith on the results of things." And that includes and especially applies to marriage.
No, I don't consider myself a disappointed old spinster. I am who I am, and I have faith that God is the House. The House always wins. God is my Father, and He knows and wants the best for me. And thus, I will win because the battle is for my obedience, my allegiance, my faith, and not for results. Results are guaranteed at some point, so long as I am obedient, and do my darndest to live for the Kingdom. So there you go. The Genealogy Doctor is getting a happy ending no matter what the results are. Besides, I only have my life planned up through to July 12th when I drop off JR at the airport and I'm officially on my own in Chicago. And then again on August 29th with the start of grad school. In the meantime and the foreseeable future, I have no idea what's going to happen, but I am fine with that.
Over'n'out,
The Genealogy Doctor
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